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THE BLOG: #1 of 69

November 28, 2010
Song: "Other Side of the World" Luther Vandross

I...ummm...I cried all the way home...last night. Slowly they came...softly they laid...the tears. I didn’t expect them. Hmmm? Why? Well...because I was happy. Yeah...I was so completely happy. She was the one I've wanted and was told can't have with her. Someone else had that privilege. I have practiced love on so many beautiful, worthy subjects and finally...finally SHE is here...with And I’m leaving. All...the...way...home.

THE FILM: #1 of 69

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April 22, 2011
Song: "Bridge Over Troubled Water" Aretha Franklin

For Spencer Beglarian, friend and colleague...
Rest well my love...
April 19, 2011

Dark deep
Steeped long over heat
And thick.
This is my friend's love
And daily greeting.
You can't drink it.
You sip it.
Cut it.
Better to take it in smaller doses and enjoy longer
It's a robust concentrate
You must have everyday
Because he has it waiting
He can make cheap Folger of Ohio
Smell like deep import of Colombia
But that is his gift.
Spence spins the everyday
Into beauty
And deliciousness.
A teacher
A mentor
A friend
A gentle giant
And a DAZZLING black woman/white man combo of joy!
An inspiration to anyone who savored delight in his presence.

Bad coffee
I won't drink it
But I wish he was here to make it.


April 8, 2011
Song: "Diva" Beyonce

I woke up this morning.
I greeted myself with a Sunglow warm
"Good Morning"
And reminded myself
To continue to live in passion
And not fear...
To embrace challenge
To relinquish regret.
Do not allow myself to be punished
For the mistake of others
And to love
Like there was never hurt.
I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
And said
Man, you gotta thank the people who love you.
It's not always given
Or easily.
You gotta thank the people who love you
For it comforts you in your loneliness and quiet.
You gotta thank the people who love you
Because food is for the body,
Love is for the spirit.
You gotta thank the people who love you
Because when you close them eyes at night,
Your dreams are cast with those people.
You gotta thank the people who love you
Because we respond to positive reinforcement and gratitude...
And it encourages us to keep giving.
You gotta thank the people who love you
Because there are plenty of people who don't.
You gotta thank the people who love you
Because, well sh!t, it's polite.
And I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
I savored a strawberry for breakfast.
I danced in a waterfall for lunch.
Still flying without a net
I laid myself out for my lover to feast
Floating on love by candlelight
And for that,
I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
I caught truth like a butterfly
And whispered
It's not you.
It's me.
It's not you who loves me endlessly.
It's me.
It's not you who celebrates my romantic heart
It's me.
It's not you who leaves me empty.
It's me.
It's not you who causes my pain.
It's me.
It's not you I choose to love.
It's me.
Every day I must choose me
In order to choose you.
And if you can not choose me.
I can not choose you.
Despite how much I want to.
We all deserve what we want.
But if you participate in what you don't want,
You deserve what you get.
And as not to deprive myself of the love I deserve,
I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
My journal DEMANDED I hold myself accountable
For my own actions
And my own choices.
My failings are simply my trials.
My successes are merely taunts to see if I can repeat them.
Neither need me lingerin' too long on them.
I looked at what I wrote
And realized I needed to challenge myself
To be a better me.
I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
Holdin' a yard sale
On the emotional clutter
The blessin' blockers
The insecure, fearful no risk takin' single sock bin
Cause NOTHING matches mess!
I have no all.
I put myself out there...
My art...
My passion...
My love.
I can control if I give it,
So I give it
And fiercely.
I can NOT control if I get it back,
So I can't worry
About your worries
About reciprocity,
And vulnerability.
I can't carry your fear.
It's too heavy.
It gets in the way of my day.
And if someone else wants it
They can have it
For free!
From me.
Make it free of me.
I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
I thanked the Lord for all the days before and all the days to come.
And I reminded myself
of my mantra
out of my last week
and into my new week:
"My creative and entrepreneurial success exist in
My Hunger: My fearless passion to succeed despite the prospect of failure;
My Hustle: My restless efforts to achieve my goals through networking and moving mountains, one pebble at a time;
My Hallelujah: Maintaining faith and giving praise for knowing I am ALWAYS assisted and NEVER alone. I am living a celebrated life.
I have heroes
Super, as they are...
And they are waiting on me
They are not waiting on the world of 'theys' and 'thems'
They are waiting on me
To step up
And deliver them properly!
I have the key.
I have to turn it
And press the gas.
I woke UP this morning.

I woke UP this morning.
Opened my eyes.
Laying on my stomach
I look over at possibilities
And the rainbow
Next to the bed.
I rolled my fingers over the crayons next to the bed
And smiled at Tickle Me Pink
And Cotton Candy's sweetness.
I pulled the pillow closer to my chin
Like a lover's shoulder
I smiled at the memory of a Cerulean blues night
Sat up into my Sunglow morning
And I,
With a deep calming sigh
And a sure,
Resounding voice,
Greeted the Diva
"Good morning."

Starting from the top...


April 8, 2011
Song: "Just The Two Of Us" Grover Washington, Jr. feat. Bill WIthers

The love of a Gemini...

Can you please clone yourself
So I can fall in love?
Can you make yourself in two
So I can have one too?

Twin Alone.
Two halves of a whole
Gemini being
Ménage à trois with me
Both of me can be your focus
Double my pleasure
Double your fun
It's tricky busy stuff
Being with a twin of one
Traversing my spilt personality mine field
Loving me is an adventure
A wild ride
Not knowing who will greet you at my door
I'm a May baby
But you won't get no bull with me
My twin self is my balance
My twin self is my comfort
Sure, impatient...
Ok, indecisive
Alright, moody as hell
Quick to recover from a fall
Cushioned by the other.
I'm never alone.
I'm never lonely.
Being ok in my own skin is easier when I have company
A partner who has my back
We tag team life
We battle arm and arm
In times of trouble
Geminis are special beings
Being two lives in one
Both the moon and the sun


Color: Sky Blue
July 27, 2001
Song: "Butterflies Kisses" Goapele

I don’t feel like talking anymore.
I don’t feel like speaking words
Made for misunderstanding
I don’t feel like saying sweet things
To make you feel sweet.
I don’t feel like it.
I don’t feel like doing anything
But sensing you
With my senses.
No thinking
Just feeling.
Don’t feel like doing anything else.
Don’t feel like saying
I love you.
Sound ain’t forever.
Feeling love is forever.
You won’t remember
What I sounded like
When I said it
You will remember
What it felt like.
When you felt it…
If you felt it…
I have a feeling you did.

And still I lay here
Wanting to write
Something profound
Something so delicious
It squirts in my mouth
Full taste
Full touch
On my tongue
Replacing words
Not fit for the moment
And it is her they wish they could describe.
Words envious of her being
Being no way used to her being.
She is reduced
And magnified
To a sound
A simple vibration
That is felt
And heard
No words
No room for pretentious education
In the form of
Useless vocabulary of the clever
And lonely

The loved needs no degree
No diploma
No certificate
Of approval
Of acceptance
Need no validation
No recommendation
No words are even in this poem.


Color: Spring Green
April 8, 2011
Song: "Anytime Anyplace" Janet Jackson

Farm Queens and Mountain Women
For my sweet friend, Carla (Carlita Josephina) Houser!

Wild and loose and free
Fall 1993.
Across the room
Beneath a dim light
I saw nothing but shadows
Except her.
This Farm Queen smiled
Illuminating the Mountain Woman's darkness.
While everything around us was dying
Turning shades of burnt orange
And vivid violet
In death,
She gave me spring green
Life and Love.

Bitter cold
Winter 1993
The wind blows blizzard.
Face freezes up
Cracks up
And falls off
Running from Gibbons to the library.
It's too cold to linger
And yet
The Farm Queen and the Mountain Woman walked
All the way to Anthony Seeger
From Mrs Greens in Chandler
Just to have longer with each other
Branches barely hold from the ice and snow
But love is budding bold in spring green.

Time to leave
And leaves arrive
Spring 1994
My time in the valley was nearing an end
She nearing the end of the beginning again.
The Mountain Woman was Cali bound.
The Farm Queen Holding close
Not to let go
Love was being tested
Will it hold in the spring rains
Of distance and parting.
Spring green love is born of rain
And grows.

Breeze is no ease.
Summer 1994
She is coming my way
The Farm Queen packed light
Bringing only
The scent of honey sickles
And fresh cut grass
And a curiosity larger than the city limits of home.
Angels brings temptations
And the queen's spring green
Wilts a bit in the sun.

The seasons continued on
The love flourished and thrived
All the harsh winters
All the dying falls
And the simmering summers.
It is the return of spring
The rebirth of the earth
That reminds the Mountain Woman and her Farm Queen
Of their
And undying

Not ever the end
But always a beginning


Color: Wild Strawberry
August 6, 2001
Song: "Juicy Fruit" Mtume

The First Time

The first time,
it tasted like
I thought,
“Oh my goodness, it taste like strawberries!
I like this!
It taste like strawberries!”
Imagine my disappointment
when I discovered
I had been


Color: Vivid Violet
November 2, 2000
Song: "Lady In My Life" Michael Jackson

From Sao Paulo…Good Night

In the Sao Paulo sky
I see a star
Resting over my home.

There waits a woman
Who longs for a different light
Still beauty on sight
I can see her in my blindness
And desire to be with her.

Making blue into light
Is love into destiny
By her I see
Forever azure
And indigo
And pearls
Shades of happiness.
She is sweetness
Held over in the shell of bitterness
Held hurt in a cup for sipping
She drinks fully all her own.
Time to kiss
With the coolness
Of her wet tongue.
I feel her glide
On my back
And breast
And nipple
And sensitive all points are to the touch.

Her smell calls me to feast
And she is the table of abundance
And dance
From feet
To knee
To thigh
To hip
To stomach
To ache
And throb
From her heart
And temple
To tomb
In her womb
Is warmth
In her breathe
And her sigh
When she is high
And ready
My hand steady
And slide
Appear and hide
In her love
And then the top cums
And fades in her sleep
Through the night
And fades into day
The morning
The star is away
But the love says she is there.
I long to see her there
But the star keeps her
Until I return to her.
From Sao Paulo I can see her
And say
Good Night.


Color: Gray
December 5, 1998
Song: "The Star Spangled Banner" Marvin Gaye

Alaskan Heat

Vinegar Hill is
Shades of gray.

And shades of gray.

And shades of gray.

The sky, the street, all the buildings:
And shadows of gray.

The snow on the grass.
The slush on the side of the street.
Mix in looking like Italian Ice gone wrong.
The man passing me with steps for a particular destination…
The stride of determination
The man who mistook integration
For desegregation
The poster child for assimilation
“Brother can you spare a dime?”
Spades of gray.

Vinegar Hill…
I love Vinegar Hill.
The sweetest place
With a sour taste…
But still the sweetest place on earth
And everybody knows it.
If you ain’t in church,
A barber shop,
A pool hall,
Movie house,
Local grocery,
The drug store,
Or just plain ole at home,
You ain’t nowhere
but here with me.

“Sister, can you spare a quarter?
Sister, you just got out of church,
Don’t let your conscience rot that quick .
That ain’t the Christian way.
You better go back in there
And find somebody…”

“oh thank you for the quarter sister…”
And shades of gray.

Stand at the end of the street
And look all the way down…
At the top of Vinegar Hill
And see
The black,
The white,
And the gray.
The gray is taking over…
Swallowing up the whole hill
Except me.
And mainly shades of gray
Except me
And my bottle of whiskey.
Soft and brown…
Brick red…
That’s the color I liked in the 64 box.
Waiting to put color back in me
And me back in color
So I can be seen again…
On Vinegar Hill.

Standing on top of Vinegar Hill
Is standing on top of world.
Crack open the bottle.
Up to my lips.
The cold in the wind
And the lick of my tongue
Has caused the chap of my lips
And its burning.
My gums burning.
My tongue on down my throat
On past and beyond.
I even felt my stuff tighten up
And a river of veins
Pop up on my forehead.
Damn that feels good.
The color is in me
And I feel it.
The steam of it is coming out of me
And rising off of me.
It feels good…
So damn good…
For now.


Color: Royal Purple
April 1, 2011
Song: "A Song For You" Donny Hathaway

For my Renaissance Brotha, John H. Gordon

Kings are found in different forms.
Mine found me
In my college dorm.
First day
Freshmen year
At the school of purple and gold.
Big smile
Sittin' on my bed
When I walk into my room.
I returned the favor...
And he still won't let me forget.

Kings lead.
Subjects follow.
This king
Sings to his kingdom
And we bask in the beauty of his lullaby.
We celebrate the power of his voice.
We love this leader of love
And listen.

My friend,
Is a king...
This deacon of funk.
I fell in love
With my friend
This king...
When he stood in my freshmen dorm
And said,
When he stood in my living room
And said,
"Me too."...
When he grabbed me by my pants
On the three story escalators
In the world trade center
And save my life...
When he carried
My drunk ass
From the village to Newark...NEW JERSEY
When he sat in the car,
Because he didn't...
And I did.
When every time my heart broke
His voice healed.

This king,
Often among queens,
My renaissance brotha,
Moves me
To create...
Inspires me
To be bold...
To live my life
Amplified and mic'ed up.
We are loud
And we love it.
Rainbows bend over us
Resounding triangles chimes delight
When he sings...
When he laughs...
When he smiles.
My friend
Is a king...
And i will follow his voice...
His love...

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